In the Blender?

When Drew and I were engaged in 2007, I fully embraced Andrew as being a permanent fixture in my life...and ever since he has brought me nothing but happiness.  However, I never in my adult life imagined the role as stepmom would be so convoluted, frustrating, or challenging.  As I've stated many times I'm a reader and after everything I've read online, in books, and from first hand accounts on blogs...my conclusion is that it's one of the most difficult jobs around.  It’s a role that has no definition. I mean most people aren't even sure how to spell stepmom, step-mom, step mom, you get the point...there are no clear rules. No standard protocol.  But one thing that all of us caring stepmoms have in common is that we think it's worth it.  We would all put up with whatever we have to, to have our stepchildren in our lives.  Most of the conflicts are cause by the "adults", communication break downs, or bitter feelings.  

blend: To combine or mix so that the constituent parts are indistinguishable from one another

I used to believe that this was possible, that a "blended family" could do just this...but I am beginning to have my doubts.  Selfish people will always put themselves or their feelings first and bitter, irrational, selfish people will put themselves or their feelings before their children.  I think "hurt feelings" and the "blame game" are a common obstacle for many blended families.  

I can't force someone not to feel the way they feel, I can't force someone to put the past behind them, and I certainly can't force someone to like me.  But I can be a GREAT stepmom- I am the only one in control when it comes to the type of stepmom I am to Andrew.  And it is in that knowledge that I find a certain peace of mind.  

The number one tip in most books:  "Remember you are not their mom."  At first I wrote this on my heart when I first started dealing not dealing with Andrew's biomom.  Now every time I hear/read this sentence I laugh...There is no one more aware than a stepmom, as to who a child's mother is.  And most of the time we're happy about it...No one wants to share custody of their children with anyone, and God willing I won't ever have to.  I hope never have to miss a summer break, birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas morning with my own children.

Society has made step-parenting a role filled with negative connotations.  This year the number of blended families surpassed the number of nuclear families.  I think it's time we try a little harder for our children and stepchildren- children of divorce are scarred, no matter how you cut the cake- but parents and stepparents can do so much together to help the healing process and act as an emotional Neosporin instead of pouring salt into the wounds.

I guess this is the beginning of my life in a blender. :)